Are professional graces and manners--polite on-the-job behaviours and attitudes once thought a matter of "common decency"--going the way of current stock markets? Are many workers, of all stripes and in all industries, experiencing such a sense of smoldering stress that they either cannot or will not demonstrate anything beyond the bare basic technicalities of their job descriptions? Why is it that, in increasing numbers, everyone seems to be complaining sub-standard customer service?

Today, after repeatedly calling my Japanese car company's Canadian head office--repeatedly because all I could get for a solid 10 minutes was a rapid busy signal!--I was "greeted" by a mumbling man with a "from-the-get-go" belligerent tone. By the way, I mention the nation associated with my car company because it occurs to me that some may think I'm referencing a North American car company (and that, considering the current economic times in that industry, what I'm about to share is easier explained if you thought I was referencing, e.g. GM or Chrysler, etc.). This representative of the Japanese car company in question did not use any greeting to answer the phone--merely the name of his department, spoken gruffly, with suppressed exasperation and without any reference to his own name. When I asked for his name, he merely repeated the department's. When I asked again, for his name, he said he didn't need to give it and, essentially, "What did I want, anyway?" As I felt we had gotten off to such a bad start and since I didn't--I confess--have my usual patience to deal with and rise above his curt greeting manner, I asked that another representative take my call. To this he retorted, "There is no one else. It's lunchtime." And promptly hung up the phone!

Yesterday I received a phone call from my neighbourhood X-ray and Ultrasound clinic, reminding me of my routine appointment today. The phone call went like this (and again the organization's representative demonstrated an amazingly brusque voice tone): Nina Spencer? Yes. This is the ultrasound clinic...you have an appointment at 8:30 a.m. tomorrow. She barely waited for me to acknowledge, before hanging up the phone! I knew the caller (and she knew me from my recurring visits thought the years; we'd even had a lovely chat about her son the professional comedian last time I was in...and, we are on friendly terms, by the way). And so I said, "Hey there Barb...is everything okay...my goodness you were brusque with me just there!" "Well I'm just trying to get through all these calls I have to make", was her response and justification for treating a known client in such a manner.

And these sorts of stories go on and on...any day of any week. Private Sector. Public Sector. Big company. Little one. Doesn't matter. You've probably got one or two of your own tales to tell/that you'd like to share, right now!

Is this acceptable...that employees feel justified in treating clients or customers abruptly and tersely because they are in a hurry, understaffed and/or overworked, etc.? Yes, it may well be management's fault that many staff members have too much to do and too little resources, or too little time, in which to complete their daily tasks, but it is not the client/not the customer who should know about it, pay the price, experience the frustration or feel the disrespect.

No matter what the justification for communicating otherwise--especially in times of economic challenge--staff on the frontline/the ones who directly deal and relate to the consumer/the client must "suck it up", put on their "best bib" and demonstrate honest-to-goodness grace, manners and respect for those consuming their services or products.

So what customer service "nightmares" can you regale? Or, on the contrary, I'd love to hear your "Wow Factor" service excellence tales of heroics, too! Perhaps all of us will be encouraged and inspired to keep the faith by such positive tales you may report.

The other day a beautifully dressed young man, attired in full business regalia, knocked on my door wishing to make his professional introductions as a newly minted financial advisor with a well known financial institution. He was inspired to try the good old fashioned, door-to-door approach of stirring the pot to secure new clients. Funnily enough, I'm already with his very organization, but with a different advisor. Still, there was something so sincere, so earnest and authentic about him/about his zeal and enthusiasm to "get out there and get at it", that I couldn't resist wanting to help him out. I gave him the following feedback:

What he did right?

1. presented immaculately in quality professional dress
2. positioned himself nicely with a genuine smile and articulate manner
3. asked permission--actual permission--to proceed in conversation with me (rather than just blithering on from the start without giving me a moment to get a word in edgewise)
4. wore his official identification from his organization, including his institution's collateral print materials

What he did wrong?

1. did not present his personal business card (just his organization's)
2. when departing, he did not offer his phone number or business address
3. did not ask me if there was anyone I knew who might be interested in hearing from him, even if I was not

Now, the skeptics among you may think this an odd experience and perhaps even a scam--door-to-door financial advisor sales from a reputable institution??? Maybe it was, but I suspect not. More likely, he was just an inexperienced 20 something young man trying to do whatever it takes to getting his start, in professionally challenging times, in his chosen field of financial advising.

No matter what your age, and especially when it comes to asking for a leg up related to your career and professional advancement, remember to always ASK for the help you want. People are busy. Cut to the chase and actually ask for the "sale" (as fine sales people everywhere know!). Shamelessly and courageously working and networking your circle of influence and contacts is fine, and even expected, as long as you do so with grace and manners. Remember, the answer is always, "No!", if you don't ask. You've got to ask. Some people, indeed, are mind readers, extra generous, insightful, etc., and may very well, unprompted, offer you the help, the advice and the contacts you so ardently desire, but most are not. Most of those "others" probably would gladly help you if you asked, but won't if you don't. Most of the time it's up to you to move yourself forward first...and then, with a little help from your friends you can travel the rest of the way.

I've been speaking for a living for more than two decades. I'm still going at it strong and am booked each year to the extent I wish (and often times repeatedly by the same clients). So I must still be doing something right, as my client "Accolades"--well documented at ninaspencer.com will attest. Still, from time-to-time, it's hard for any speaker--professional or otherwise--to please all of the people all of the time. And if you must present at professional or staff events from time-to-time, yourself--as an "other duties as assigned" obligation or task, rather than as your primary professional focus--your skin for receiving the odd negative evaluation may not be as thick as that of a seasoned professional speaker. Even with a good, tough thick skin, however, we're all human and, therefore, underneath all that exuding confidence there just might be, from time-to-time, at least a little vulnerability to negative comments.

So how do you process and come to peace with negative evaluations after a presentation? Even if 90% of participants rate your presentation exceptional, how do you keep from being consumed by the thought that some people rated your efforts poorly? Do you adjust to try to please everyone, or do you merely surrender that there may always be some who rate you poorly? How do speakers internally process and move forward, after reading or hearing poor reports about their work, rather than dwelling on those negatives f-o-r-e-v-e-r?

Here are some silly and serious thoughts, suggestions and pearls of wisdom that just might help:

You must accept rejection and reject acceptance. -- Ray Bradbury

• Blame it on heartburn! Even if 999 people are "buying" what you're "selling"--laughing at your humour, playing along with your audience participation facilitation, etc.--there's often one guy sporting a conspicuous grimace who'll catch and hold your attention. Just tell yourself, "That, pour old soul...he must have heartburn, and his lack of response and his miserable disposition--written all over his face--has nothing to do with me."
• Remember, there are people out there you couldn't please if you twirled on your head spitting nickels! You may remind them of an ex-spouse or an irritating friend or colleague; they may have been forced to attend this event at which you're speaking, or have a permanent chip on their shoulder for reasons that have nothing to do with you!
• Go into your presentation or training anticipating one negative remark from at least one person; when you finally spot that one negative piece of feedback (for which you're already prepared and braced) declare, "Yup, there it is...the one I expected!" Often times you can even tell--right there in the middle of your presentation--from whom you'll receive such a comment. And lots of times you'll receive only glowing reports and feedback about your contributions. Of course, that can happen, too! J
• Take gushy, mushy over-the-top GREAT evaluations with a grain of salt, too. In those such cases, it could merely be that the participant waxes poetic about your presentation because you remind them of someone they love, or you said just the right thing at just the right time in their lives, or they may even be physically attracted to you! Let's face it, all you have to do is smile at some participants and you'll be rated highly (they don't call 'em "smiley sheets" for nothin'!) Still read those "smiley sheets; sift for truth in those positive participants' comments and compare their feedback to the majority of other evaluations. One good tid bit of advice, "Eat the meat and spit out the bones."
• Some speakers practice losing the top and bottom. That is to say: discard the top 10% and the bottom 10% of the evaluations and read and seriously consider the feedback from the rest.
• To some extent, all evaluations are valuable. Remember, however, there are always one or two that are way out of line from all the others. I've always liked the expression: "Some will; some won't; so what...next!" Saying "so what" isn't meant to be arrogant or flippant about thos ethat "won't (play along)...it merely offers the suggestion that it's past now...can't be fixed with that individual, so move on! If one criticism does continue to turn up, however, it's time for some heavy professional introspection and examination of what you're putting "out" up there on that platform.
• Year's ago I had a friend who hadn't missed a day of work in 10 years and still her boss would NEVER give her a perfect score for attendance, declaring that no one ever gets "perfect; "perfect" is the unattainable...that which you use as a beacon but can never achieve! What kind of thinking is that??? In that same vein, remember, like the stingy boss, there'll always be some people who just can't bring themselves to give someone high marks, even if they really did enjoy and get tremendous value from your presentation. Perhaps because of the nature of their jobs/professions, e.g. like lawyers, they may be wired to look for flaws...to constantly be adversarial...to look for the argument...the rebuttal. Therefore, be aware of this possiblity and focus on the participants you've helped instead.
• Remember this: Every day we meet and re-meet people we like and don't like and we don't necessarily consciously know why we feel the way we do/why they trigger us positively or negatively. It's just so...a fact. The same can happen with a participant in your audience. The negativity expressed may not necessarily truly pertain to you, but rather, to them...perhaps transmitting their feelings towards themselves in relation to others, e.g. feelings of low self-esteem. Therefore, focus your efforts on the majority of the participants who appreciated your stellar effort and performance. Sometimes negative evaluations are just as much a reflection of the evaluator as they are of the person being evaluated (presenter).
• To play a bit of devil's advocate, however, consider that sometimes a participant's negative evaluation may not be a product of their miserable personality but, rather, merely a well intended report letting you know that your presentation did not meet their expectation. Sometimes such comments can offer a fabulous morsel inspiring you to rearrange your presentation style or content for another time, causing future presentations to impress future audiences all the better. The "bad" news now can end up being the "good" news later that aids your professional improvement and growth. The bottom line...look for trends in comments and think about this sage advice: once is an incident, twice is a trend, three times is a pattern. If these negative comments come up on more than three percent of one event's evaluations, or on three occasions, or with three different kinds of groups/professionals/industries, etc., it may very well be time to reconsider your presentation content and style of delivery.

Despite it all, if you've received a tough evaluation of your presentation, it's always a good idea--if you're open to it--to check in with your client/the person who booked you or invited you to speak in the first place. Although each participant in the moment of presentation is your client, in the end, it's the root client--the "one who brung you"--who's opinion really counts! That is the person with whom you contracted and made your performance agreements. Were they pleased with your contribution? In your conversation with that individual, you may remind: What you perceive you brought to the event and the manner in which you delivered what you promised; ask if they agree with your perception/see it the same way you. Ask : Did I meet your expectations? Consider: Despite the negative feedback, did you get any spin-off business or invitations to speak elsewhere? If so, that is a positive testament to your contribution (that counters the negative comments that may have weighed on you heavily). I've heard it said that, typically, 5% of any audience will not like you, just because. Deal with it. Accept that fact. Learn. Grow. And keep on enjoying and sharing what you have to offer...what you have to share.

To speak well in public--to hold an audiences' attention for long lengths of time--is a skill and a gift, and takes a lot of gumption...most people would rather die than do it. Keep that in mind next time! And wear a bulletproof vest for those occasional negative comments.

How to get the best bang for your conference buck

Here it comes...almost back-to-school time once again, and time for something else, too! The professional conference season--autumn meetings and beyond--is almost upon us, as well. Attending such events offer up such a deluge of information that, as one colleague expresses, "It feels like you've just drunk from a fire hose!" So, to get the biggest "bang for your conference buck", here are a collection of tips for integrating all that fabulous 2008/2009 conference learning and experience:

1. As soon after the conference as possible--even while still at the event, e.g. while in your hotel room or while enroute home (if travelling by plane, train, but not automobile--not if you're the one driving, that is!) block 1-2 hours for amalgamation and condensing of all your newly acquired information. How? Well, firstly, whether you took paper or electronic notes, retrieve and review. Practice the, "Law of 72"--not 1972!--the idea that that which you review and begin to implement within 72 hours (from exposure or suggestion) is much more likely to come to pass. Secondly, flash back to all those intervals in-between the formal keynotes and concurrent/breakout sessions, e. g. the informal or formal networking opportunities, the luncheon(s) and dinner(s) and even the scheduled or stolen free time. What did you observe (about yourself and others) during these in-between moments? Whom did you meet? At the corresponding trade-fair/exhibits 9if any), at which vendors' booths did you visit/stop for a chat? What interesting and spontaneous conversations did you stoke or partake? What did you learn from those exchanges? Did any interesting moments of serendipity occur/small world stories?

2. Gather all business cards you collected. From that bunch, determine with whom you really want to reconnect after the conference; make a tentative plan or note to follow up within the first 14 days after the event. With whom, from that bunch of cards/people, could you see yourself partnering, learning, or perhaps receiving mentorship; on the other hand, with whom would you like to offer mentorship? Reflect on why you exchanged cards with each person in the first place. Did you initiate the exchange or did they? What was the spark for you, or what do you think the spark was for the other to initiate the exchange of cards? Try to recall the conversation leading up to the exchange to help you realize your answer. And, although this is now somewhat of an age-old suggestion, as soon after the exchange as possible, write on the received card all the particulars that pertain to that individual, eg. physical attributes, distinguishing features, anecdotal info they may have shared, turn of phrase they may have used, children, pets, places travelled, anything unusual or quirky they may have shared. Quickly jotting down all this data will free your poor brain from having to recall all this information on its own and help you anchor your recollection of the individual if/when next you meet or chat.

3. Identify your 3 best or favourite "take-aways". Commit to implementing each take-away as soon as possible once you're back to work. If any of the take-aways require planning or extra effort to implement, chunk down the inspired ideas into manageable tasks, using realistic yet optimistic timelines for ultimate roll-out.

4. Plan a meeting with a professional colleague, business coach, the person to who you report, etc., and discuss/share your three favourite take-aways, along with your vision for implementation. Ask for accountability and feedback support you suspect will be required to see these ideas manifest.

5. Prioritize the implementation of each of your favourite conference ideas based on your own business strategy, vision and goals. Keep your prioritized list handy, e.g. on a white board or cork board, under your desk blotter, in your briefcase and/or, of course, stored somewhere easily accessible and frequently reviewed on your computer. Refer to your list often, checking off each conference-inspired item as you complete.

6. Share key learnings with your work team and other professional colleagues (both within your organization and beyond). This is a terrific way to reinforce your personal commitment and vision to implementing your beast take-aways, offers the receiver of your sharing a chance to learn something new/new food for thought for their own professional growth, and even further extends the 'bang" for your conference buck.

July is raspberry time in my backyard and the choice pickings go on and on for weeks! The quiet of this past early Sunday morning was picture perfect for plucking an ample bowl for breakfast and folding in a working meditation along the way. When my mind strayed, it went to thoughts of the mantra, "Grow organically and support local markets". I thought, "Hmm. You can't get any more organic than growing produce in your own backyard, nor can you get a more local market than your own threshold; hey...this applies to the workplace, too!"

Too often employees just know they're the perfect "organic", "local market" candidate for certain jobs within their own companies but find they can't catch the listening of those in the selection process. And that's too bad for everyone concerned. That's what you call a lose-lose-lose. The employee loses the opportunity to professionally develop, the company loses the opportunity to select someone who already knows the ropes and the corporate culture, and the client potentially loses, too, as everyone knows that new "outsider" staff, right off the street, have at least 3 to 6 months of learning curve before they are fully-functioning, productive members of their teams.

It's frustrating to feel ignored--or worse, dismissed--when putting forth your fine candidacy for a new position. You know what they say, "It's hard to be a prophet in our own house"! So, you can passively point outwards and blame your employer for not seeing your talent and gifts, or you can actively point inwards/at yourself and work on strategies for making yourself more visible.

Ask yourself:

1. How hard am I constructively working on being acknowledged/recognized?
2. For what projects or special company events (internal or external/community focused, company sponsored) have I volunteered?
3. Have I kept a written record of my participation?
4. What are my specific successes on-the-job? Can I list at least three immediately? If not, why not? What can I do to turn that around?
5. Have I had a heart-to-heart with the person to whom I report regarding my desire to be acknowledged and get promoted? If not, why not? If such a conversation has not occurred because of personality differences or a cool relationship, what are one or two things I can do to warm the relationship up?
6. Have I specifically asked for what I want--shared my vision for my future within this organization--and then requested internal coaching (eg. from my most direct boss) to help me get there?
7. Have I kept my patience and persevered when things haven't gone my way?

My dear mum used to say, "All comes to those who wait". Having at least some patience getting to where you want to go is imperative, however, where is it written that you have to wait for your "ship to come in" so passively? If your "ship" isn't coming in fast enough for you, actively swim out to it!

In the meantime, if you're feeling--especially during these dog days of summer--that your day-in and day-out "berry-picking" job is mundane, underappreciated, boring, bland (you get my drift!), remember...all jobs have importance...a certain glory. If they didn't, they wouldn't exist! Both the most high-up/highly profiled executive positions, as well as the most humble of frontline occupations, are essential to the success of any organization.

* See pages 33 to 45 of my book, Getting Passion Out of Your Profession: How to keep loving your living, come what may, for more on the subject of acknowledging and declaring your Professional Self-Worth.

I recently was the closing speaker at two events where speaker after speaker after speaker--all senior executive-types--read, word-for-word from their scripts, while hiding behind the podium in half-light and letting the bells and whistles of PowerPoint presentations deliver the main thrust of their messages. One "reader" would have been bad enough, but four? five? and in a row??? all morning long??? This was definitely too much. The audience must have been so bored and fatigued three hours in, even if they were interested in the subject matter, and even if they didn't say so at the time, or feed this back to the client on evaluation forms, afterwards.

I know many would point out to me, "It's easy for you, Nina! You do this for a living but the rest of us don't! We get nervous and so we need our scripts and podiums", And, to that, I say, "Fair enough". I also say, "Get over it!"

If you should find yourself with these occasional, "other duties as assigned", it behooves you to--not just for your audiences' sake, but for your own--do whatever it takes to get comfortable, natural/conversational and dynamic in your presentations. You've been asked to speak to the group, so somebody must believe that you are one (if not the only) expert on the subject upon which you've been invited to present.

Yes, I appreciate that it helps to use a few visually prompted words to remind you what you'd like to say next, and that there'll be occasions where the Power Point presentation, itself, must be the "star", eg. where charts and graphs must be referenced, etc., still, I find that entirely too many subject matter experts lean way too heavily and repeatedly on Power Point Presentations and scripts to get the job done and to get their important messages across. These people use scripts and formality of Power Point presentations so much that they even go so far as to actually read their closing comments, such as, "This Year is going to be the very best for our company. We can do it. Thank-you for attending." Why do readers have to read these declarations??? Can't they put their script down at this point...take their glasses off (if need be) and express from the heart, here?

Even if you are a good reader, and know how to put some dynamo and energetic tone into your voice while reading, it'll still always be reading...no eye contact, stiffer than your natural authentic self and will still always be delivered and experienced by your audience as a dimly lit, floating head and shoulder only experience and message.

You know who you are. Come on now...move away from that podium...and away from that script. Make an honest, enthusiastic and natural effort to win-over those whom you wish and need to connect. You know you can do it. Practice. Take some coaching. Speak at the next family wedding, reunion, anniversary event, big birthday party, etc.

Take a moment, right now, and ask yourself, "How much more authentic and engaged will my next presentation become if I'm on the floor with my audience, and speaking naturally with the group I'm addressing, while letting my visual aids truly be the aids, rather than the whole show? What do I have to do to move towards this result? How did you feel the last time you had to sit through a half day (or longer) event, listening to one reading, floating head after another? Did you really end up paying 100% attention? Did you really hear all the speakers had to share...or did you fidget and start thinking about chores and tasks you had to do later that day...perhaps even wishing you'd opted out of this event altogether and were doing those tasks right now?

My Eulogy for my Dear Friend Dianna Barrett

March 7, 1956 - December 1, 2008

Dianna hated winter. Correction. She hated Canadian winters...but loved winters anywhere south of, let's say, the 25 parallel! So, knowing this, I guess we shouldn't be too surprised to see she chose to depart this earthly plane at the start of the month that heralds the official season of ice and snow. I bet right now she's saying, "See ya...wouldn't want to be ya!".

So here we are, then, today...gathering to celebrate Dianna's escape from yet another Canadian winter but, more importantly, appropriately and joyously, to celebrate her fabulous life.

We come together on this day to remember the life, both temporal and eternal, of one heck of an amazing woman that we have loved so dearly. As the littlest sister-- affectionately called by her family, "Baby D"-as a friend, as a lover, a colleague, a tireless community volunteer, as a teacher...as a person, Dianna lived in our hearts and shall live there forever more.

We release what was, and make room for what shall be, as we testify within our minds that Dianna's life does not end, but merely transmutes; that today we say a good-bye to the physical focus of our relationship with Dianna, and greet the relationship with her soul that now begins anew. Through the grace of God, the dead do not die. They live forever, in God's mind and in ours.

And so it is that our service today is two-fold: We are here to release what has been, the very human dramas of our love for Dianna, our shared stories, our histories. Yet we also open our hearts today, that our continuing relationship with her might be reborn with newly defined parameters.

Some 25 years ago, one of the earliest sayings I recall Dianna sagely imparting to me was, "Behold the tortoise, who only makes progress when she sticks her neck out." Among so many other pearls of wisdom, Dianna lived her life by "sticking her neck out" and daring to do things--time and time again-in ways others would never dream. When I think, in that David Letterman sort of way, of my top 10 words describing Dianna, my knee-jerk first set includes:

1. authentic
2. honest
3. loving
4. loyal
5. empathic
6. funny
7. eloquent
8. learned
9. reflective and
10. deeply spiritual...

And I just bet your 10 would only expand on mine. The truth is, 10 words just aren't enough to describe what Dianna brought to each and everyone of us, nor to the world.

My 11th word to describe Dianna is, FEARLESS. Not that she didn't experience fear on occasion, I'm sure, but she always found a way to move forth, regardless.

She also championed the philosophy of, "Feel the fear and do it anyway." And that she did! Her way. And, yet another saying I can still hear her sharing: "Better to make a mistake with the full force of your being, rather than carefully avoid making any errors all the days of your life, and not really living at all."

To be fearless requires trust and courage, and these qualities, too, Dianna demonstrated in abundance.

She came to Canada, under the loving and watchful eye of her surrogate mother and biggest sister, Mearle, when she was only 16 years old...and to university, then, at that! The plan was, she would stay until the end of her studies and then return home to Jamaica. That was the plan...the agreement. But it wasn't to pass. When graduation day came and went, Baby D wanted to stay...and although her mum and dad vehemently protested (she told me that her dad was ready to hop a plane and drag her back home!), in the end, what "Baby D wanted, Baby D got!" And so Dianna stayed...and, blessed fortune for us, made our lives all the richer for having done so.

This was a woman who had such power, such charisma, such eloquence and authority of voice, that she could charm the pants off just about anyone...and could, most every time out, turn "no's" into "yeses!" with relative ease. No wonder we all wanted to be near her! She was magic. Case in point: Just an everyday sort of story, but with a Dianna/Dyavati twist...one day, not too long ago, she was traveling eastbound, mid-block, on the Queen Street Streetcar (no where near the next stop). All of a sudden, through the window, she spotted two old friends on the street that she hadn't seen in ages-Hazel and Danny. Without a moment's hesitation she jumped up, and in front of everyone, hollered to the driver, "Stop the street car, please stop the street car!...I see two dear friends I haven't seen in ages and I've just got to reach them!" Well what do you think happened next? The driver stopped, mid-block, just for our Di! That was our Dianna...our Dyavati...a woman with enough chutzpah and personal power to halt a downtown, fully packed, rush-hour street car, cold.

Although holding a special place in her Barrett family's heart (as "baby" of the clan), Mearle shared that, as a child, Dianna, oftentimes, had to make do with her own company for play. That didn't stop her one bit! In fact, it may well have informed Dianna's early and life long sense of independence. She didn't have any playmates? No problem. She created a whole classroom of them by playing teacher in the garden and declaring the plants her pupils! And, if any of those plant-students got out of line, she made sure to give them the good whipping they deserved! Mearle said it was quite the funny spectacle seeing little Dianna smack plants into shape! See? Dianna was a teacher even all the way back then...and not afraid at all to "call" her friends up on the carpet over their "stuff" when need be. Not afraid back then, nor afraid throughout the rest of her adult life, to play it straight and honest with her friends, with her family and with her loves...whether about herself or about what she intuitively heard, saw or read-in between the lines-about others. Dianna always shot from the hip...and she always landed on her feet.

A line from an old song says, "Ain't got no trouble in my life. No foolish dreams to make me cry. I'm never frightened or worried, I know I'll always get by." I never worried about Dianna. I knew what she knew...that she'd always get by. And she always did. I've never known anyone to land on her feet as consistently as our Di did! Lose a job? No problem...the next came by within days, out of her wonderfully connected network. Need a new place to live? No problem! What did Dianna do? What did she say? "I'll just put it out to the universe and something will come up."...and something always did. That was her trust. That was her courage. That was her faith in the provider...working on her behalf. My own belief in, "putting it out there" and "trusting", over the years, has been accelerated by Dianna's committed example. And, perhaps, your trust in the universe has grown too, as Dianna showed so many people how to do it...just by doing it herself and being such a superlative walking, talking example.

Years ago an old friend named the pair of us "Windy" and "Stormy" because we blew into events and stirred things up, like a gust of new air. Dianna wanted to be, "Stormy" and so it was. And that was so appropriate...anytime Dianna showed up, anywhere, things moved along; got stirred up, like a benevolent whirlwind storm blowing things through and clear--especially at a party! When she put on her "dancing shoes" and went out-on-the-town weather with her darling Anthony, or just a bunch of girls, she was some kind of hottie...and willingly danced up a "storm" the entire night long!

Dianna was all those spiritual, reflective, quiet and contemplative things, but she was also-when she wanted-a wonderful celebrant of the "cause d'jour!" Just ask old friends like Jo and Norman, Dale and David, Maureen, Lorna, Cindy, Teresa, Alise, Savetri, and her family here today: her sister Mearle and brothers Dalton and Stan, and all the rest of her nuclear family, too, for that matter. They all know, as do you, that Dianna had a celebrant's energy and spirit.

Remember one of your own stories of Dianna's energy and laughter at a particular event? Bet you've got scads of "howling-with-laughter" tales to tell. Dianna always like that word: "Howling"...she used it often: "howling" with laughter. I can just hear using it right now. "We just howled!" She was always the life of the party; wherever she was...that's where the party was! Di could be at a big dinner, positioned at the far end of a rectangular table-seemingly out of the hub of the technical heart of the group, yet, where Dianna was, was where the party ended up being, every time! And it didn't even matter whether or not she knew a soul at the table to begin with...by the end of the night they'd all become fast friends, thanks to Dianna. Even on her last day and night, while in her hospital room, unconscious, but still emanating her powerful presence, Dianna was the conduit for bringing fine people together in joy, laughter and authentic spirit, for the very first time, And right here--right now-as we congregate to remember and celebrate her life, she's doing it yet again!

Dianna was a princess, in the nicest sense of the word. She was regal and welcoming and, indeed, full of inner grace. And she had a regal sense of how to complete on household chores, too. Although no stranger to rolling up her sleeves and getting the job done when absolutely required, just this past autumn she sent me a little email joke (one of 87 I'm so glad I archived), saying, "her idea of cleaning a room was sweeping it with a glance". She had a wicked sense of humour, for sure, and I know that each one of us here, at some point or another, has, on multiple occasions, been double-over with laughter and left gasping for breath, thanks to Di. There's nothing so joyful, so wonderfully free, yet rich, as a good belly laugh...and there was nothing like our Dianna to deliver the guffaw goods.

And speaking of knocking the wind right out of you, with rascal delight, Dianna learned to do just that quite early in her life. Picture this: brothers Dalton and Stan, 9 and 10 years her senior-big, strapping mid-teenaged boys-being chased around the yard by this little, skinny waif of a 5 year old thing, while her big brothers sincerely begged Dianna for mercy, crying "UNCLE! I give up!", so that they could catch their breath. They'd had enough, but Dianna was like an Every Ready battery and never burned out! Dianna may have been a water sign--a Pieces, as she so often liked to remind--but she was a fire ball of energy to her brothers, at 5 years old, and even at 50! To this very day, the Barrett's all marvel at where on earth did she get all that energy??? And maybe the answer is, it wasn't from earth at all, but, rather, from her eternal spirit.

From a lifetime of professional work devoted to the Ontario Public Service-- through days with the WSIB, MBS and MOH--to her many years of organized charitable work with the Multiple Sclerosis Society, community radio station CJRT Jazz-FM, to her passionate, multi-yeared service to Toronto East End Literacy and, of course, to her devotion to her sanga...to her chosen faith and to her sanga members, Dianna gave it all. Always.

A smart, sassy, learned and supremely literate woman who loved the English language so much she MAJORED in it! No one could turn a phrase like Dianna. No one I know demonstrates such wise, insightful or provocative opinions about just about anything and everything, as consistently as Dianna did. As a matter of fact, Monday night, just about the very moment of her passing, our Canadian government was being shaken up in a most historic fashion. My first thought was, "I knew Dianna wouldn't leave on just any old bland and bleak near-winter day." My second thought was, "I wonder what Dianna would have said/I wonder what she would have thought about all of this?" And, if she was here, I'd have been on the phone, toot suite, to find out...and we'd have probably talked for hours about it all. You know, one time, many years ago, we got talking so passionately about topics of the day, while sitting in our favourite restaurant of the time, enjoying a Sunday brunch, that we ended up staying clean on through the dinner menu, too! Never before in my life, nor since, nor probably ever again, will I sit with a friend so long, talking, in one restaurant, at one time, that we end up ordering lunch and then Dinner, too!!! That was one scary bill come evening's end! When two chatty people get together...lookout! But that was Dianna. She loved great conversation and could stand up with the chattiest of 'em, and also bring out the most meek and mild.

Dianna attracted an amazing assortment of souls, and called a wide diversity of people, "friend". She had left wing and right wing friends, over 80 and under 20 friends, and everything in between friends; she had Birkenstock friends, and blue jeans friends, Lulu Lemon Yoga-Wear ones and nose-ring ones, friends in designer suits with la-di-dah expensive and important looking jewelry and sanga friends; frontline worker friends and president-of-the-organization friends, too. And the one sure thing all these seemingly different people had, and still have, in common, is that we all valued Dianna and will treasure her time spent with us, whether 30 years or 30 days, forever.

She fit in everywhere! And don't we just know--knowing how devoted Dianna was to her spiritual studies--that her very BEST, her most rewarding fit of all, is where she is RIGHT NOW, in the love of God and in her life hereafter. Our Dianna's landed on her feet, yet again! Everywhere Dianna made the difference. She makes the difference still. She made the best kind of success of a life on this planet, and for that, we are all eternally grateful.

These words of Emerson's sum up Dianna's stellar life success so succinctly:

WHAT IS SUCCESS?

To laugh often and love much;
To win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;
To earn the approval of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To give of one's self without the
slightest thought of return;
To have accomplished a task,
whether by a healthy child,
a rescued soul, a garden patch,
or a redeemed social condition;
To have played and laughed with enthusiasm
and sung with exaltation;
To know that even one life has breathed easier because
you have lived;
This is to have succeeded.

Think of all the lives that have breathed easier and been made more joyous from having interfaced at length, or even merely once, with that spiritual being having a human experience, named Dianna/Dyavati Barrett. She was truly a most successful woman, indeed. We'll love her forever...we'll love her for always.

And, in closing, I share with you this little blessing I dug up, that Diana shared with me oh so many, many years ago. As she wished it for me then, I know she wishes it for us all, today, so hear her voice I share it, now:

May the blessings of God be upon you.
May his peace abide with you,
May his presence illuminate your heart,
Now and forever more.

Our Diana will live forever.

Happy Valentine's Day to you! This date marks the second anniversary of the launch of my first book, Getting Passion Out of Your Profession: How to keep loving your living...come what may. And what a passionate year it's been, indeed, fulfilling a record number of client demands and engagements for my conference keynote and workshop facilitation services!

Now in it's fourth printing, Getting Passion...is well on it's way to becoming a Canadian best seller...and that, of course, dear reader, is with sincere and heartfelt thanks and appreciation to you, my clients and all the other lovely people who just happened across my book in stores or on the web...enjoyed it and recommended it to colleagues, family and friends.

Thank-you for your continued kind words of positive experience about my presentations, personal workplace tales to tell, heeding and applying my offered "pearls", subscribing to and sharing my complimentary monthly on-line newsletter, Working Wisdom, visiting and revisiting my website, and staying in touch through emails, phone calls and writing to me with your questions, suggestions and feedback. What a pleasure and honour it is to have been of service to you thus far. Until we meet again another day, it's my heart's desire that you get passion out of your profession--however grand or modest your current position--every day of the year...no just on Valentine's Day! And, if you take heed of the advice offered below--especially on this day focused on love of all sorts--may you always fill a job of prestige and power!

"Think enthusiastically about everything, but especially about your job.
If you do, you'll put a touch of glory in your life.
If you love your job with enthusiasm you'll shake it to pieces.
You'll love it into greatness.
You'll upgrade it. You'll fill it with prestige and power."

-- Norman Vincent Peale

a.k.a. Workplace Stress Time's Last Hurrah!

Okay, this is it. Don't get scared. Here we are--finally!--the last of 2007. For many, this week marks the home stretch before holy-days and vacation time. For others, the end of December merely represents a couple of extra days off work, followed by the stress of holding down the organization's fort while coping with the malaise of "skeletal staff syndrome" until Monday, January 7, 2008. Regardless, stress-on-the job can be huge this week. What to do, what to do?

How about trying the following stress buster tips and strategies:

1. Pay attention to your own pre-stress physiological signals and back-off before you reach the "danger zone", eg. moodiness, irritability, headaches, muscle tension.

2. Move away from the stressor, even if it's only for a short interval, to gain your composure and perspective.

3. Choose to be absolutely determined to stay positively focused (and not let any "turkeys" get you down), come what may.

4. Seek out a friendly "safe" person at work, for a one-minute only, speed "bellyaching session", and then get on with it...joyously.

5. Eat Breakfast. Eat Lunch. Really. And move away from your workstation while doing so!

6. Have at least one 15-minute quiet period in your busy day to consciously and emotionally relax, meditate or even pray (even if it's just to pray for the strength to get through all this!).

7. Take the time to laugh, at yourself and with colleagues and clients. A couple of daily guffaws are always good for what ails us.

8. Exercise--even if it's only up a flight or two of stairs, a brisk walk around the outside block of your own workplace building (or inside, through the corridors of your building, if it's big enough to provide a sufficient and satisfying mini-workout).

9. Sleep well. Get the hours you really need to feel well rested and stop eating all that festive fare at least three hours before you go horizontal!

10. Take regular, conscious deep breathes over these next few days--especially if your job is fairly sedentary.

11. Help others, who are conspicuously freaking out with stress, cope. One of the best ways to help yourself feel good is to help another.

12. Prioritize. Decide which things must get done and which can slide until the New Year.

13. Count 10 blessings about your current job. And mean it.

14. Assertively tell some people, "No", but instead of saying what you can't do because of.... , tell them what you can do and by when, eg. by the end of the first week back to work.

15. Be kind to yourself through this stretch, alongside all that extra kindness you're showing and demonstrating to others.

16. Delegate what you can. You don't have to be the "Grand Poo-bah of Everything", do you??? Give others the "gift" of "doing" some of the tasks, too.

17. Ask for help if you need it. Sometimes ya just gotta ask to receive.

I like lists of 10 or 12, 15 or 20 (you know, nice sets of numbers), but this time around it's 17 strategies that I offer up to you. Please feel free to help me out, and other professionals who read my blog, too, by throwing in your own two cents as to what else works at work when you're doing your very best to cope with year-end workplace stress.

All the best of happiness, health and serenity, too, to you, for the balance of this year and for 2008!